Liability
by DarkRoseShadow
Summary: His heart in place, he realized one thing. He was her weakness, not her strength. And he refused to be one. He knew he was breaking her, and it was a thousand daggers through his heart. But he couldn't help it. He was a liability to her and to ensure her safety, he had to do this. But he never considered the consequences and aftermath of his decision. (Post S4-A Minor Spoilers)


There was a time when all she could think was him to stop looking. His eyes followed every movement of hers, like a hawk watching its prey. (_Come to think of it, it totally was but in a more of devouring every inch of her skin way. But that wasn't it._) His eyes carried a myriad of emotions, whilst looking at her. She would deny it with all of her being, but she knew it, she had seen it and turned a complete blind eye to it.

The cheekiness it carried, when he wanted to make her smile. (_She rewarded it with rolling her eyes._)

The fear it exhibited, when she was doing something callous. (_Her response would be accompanied by an 'I know how to take care of myself' look_.)

The fondness for Henry, when he turned towards him for something. (_She would just ruffle her kid's hair, subduing the flutter in her stomach that accompanied it._)

The self-deprecation his eyes showed, when he thought about his stand on their side. (_She would restrain herself from reaching out to him._)

And finally the disbelief, when she reached out to him. (_She would act as if she was doing it just out of courtesy._)

These were the things she noticed then. And now she felt it along with some other.

Like how he would light up, by the faintest of her smile. (_She wouldn't admit that it turned her insides in the most pleasant way_.)

Or how his eyes turned to this beautiful shade of blue, when she would blush. (_The butterflies it accompanied. Oh God!_)

Or the absolute dread that will cover him when she faced the villain of the day, and the relief that washed over him when she defeated them. She was always welcomed with a smile that he reserved for her saying that he knew she could do it. (_She just couldn't get over how adorable he looked._)

She never thought that she would be capable of understanding so much about a person. She knew how to read people. But feeling and distinguishing their slightest of mood, that was a whole new arena for her. And she was pleasantly surprised by it.

So, now while sitting with her parents in the diner, feeling his gaze over her, she felt blissful, because there was someone to catch her when she faltered. But turning to face him, she knew something was amiss… _she just knew_.

But Emma subdued it, feeling her mind playing games with her. His heart was where it belonged. There was no new danger lurking their way. She was over thinking. Shaking thoughts away, she just ignored it; throwing a smile to him she turned her attention to David regaling her with adventures of Neal.

(_She now knows she shouldn't have done that._)

* * *

><p>Watching her wasn't new in any sorts of way. He had been doing nearly the same thing from the moment they had met – simply because Emma Swan was an extraordinaire in everything she did. And that was saying something, given his prolonged period of life. It was a habit he had developed. A habit he wasn't any keen to give up on.<p>

And this was something he needed in the long haul.

She could easily blame on her overactive senses… she _was_ doing the same. But she just couldn't subdue the nagging feeling in her head behind, that something was amiss. While his stare was not something new, there was an edge of desperation attached to it, like he was trying too hard to remember it, to memorize it, as if he wouldn't be there to witness it anymore.

And really, this was the biggest lie anybody can ever say to her… _she could say to herself_… cause this was the lie that would send her lie detector over an overdrive… _had already sent it so many times… _so one thing that she was absolutely assured about was this.

He wouldn't leave her, not willingly… _and not even unwillingly_…

So when her lie detector started sending her signals, she knew that it was actually her over thinking clouding her judgment.

(He would never leave her.

She could bet her life on it.)

* * *

><p>Captain Killian 'Hook' Jones wasn't a coward. And if anybody said otherwise, he would happily make the offender walk the plank, which is after torturing him in nearly thousand ways, and he could do that… <em>he really could<em>. And it was befitting that his Swan would make him one when it came to her. He gave up his revenge; his heart his home and would readily give anything else for her; such was her hold on him.

But there was one thing he absolutely refused to become – her weakness.

Zelena, Snow Queen and the Dark One, each one of them had played on his affections for her to achieve what they wanted, directly or indirectly.

He prided himself on being the most fearsome Captain of the seven seas, and all he did was become the bloody git, whom Swan had to rescue – every single time. He was more a rock in the road, rather than being the helper to remove one.

He realized it… painstakingly so… but he did.

And what is he doing in response?

Becoming the creepy stalker, committing her routine in his mind like it was his own. (_He really didn't need to. He already knew it by heart_.) But nevertheless, he followed her, in the name of memorizing it, just to prolong the inevitable moment.

He knew leaving abruptly, like ripping off a band-aid, was an easy way out. They both would wound, but it would be simpler.

A much more easy way out, was leaving the town. He could do it… he _should_ do it.

But he was too darn selfish to do so.

No matter how much he rebuked himself for it, or chided himself for prolonging the moment and in result making the blow all the more painful to deliver. He just couldn't.

Every night he told himself, the next day.

And the next day turned into a day more.

* * *

><p>"You shouldn't have got him a dog. Killian seriously."<p>

"Swan…." he sighed. "Just look at the lad. Look how happy he is. And this also gives him a sense of responsibility. After all he is a prince in making."

He winked, giving her the smile, that always made her knees go weak and her defenses in ruins.

"Still…"

"Swan, trust me, it is good for him."

Emma sighed, giving up the fight. She really wasn't opposed to the idea. It was a good thing for Henry. Taking his hand in hers, she whispered.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Swan."

He said, and withdrew his hand slowly.

(It stung. She didn't want to admit it. cause he never did it. She was always the one to withdraw her hands first.

Her mind appeased her saying he wanted to continue eating.

_Her peripheral did point how he withdrew his attempt to hold her hand when he was justifying his action. _

It was just a twitch. If he wanted to hold her hand, he would have done it. He wasn't trying to. So there was no need to panic.

cause he _wasn't_.

_And she listened to it._

_The detector went screeching again_. )

* * *

><p>He hoped against hopes, that she didn't notice it.<p>

He hoped that she felt it was just him, and he wasn't consciously making an effort to hold back his affections and gestures.

He desperately wished that his withdrawal would be subtle enough for her to not notice and it would be easier to increase the distance.

His heart opposed, but he subdued it.

So he reveled in the fact, that his attempt was successful.

(His heart nagged, that she had indeed noticed it.

Her eyes had crinkled just slightly in sadness.

_It revolted._

_He ignored it_.)

* * *

><p>He brought Henry back from their sailing trip. Henry was reluctant, and Emma had tipped him telling the reason. The trip was success in that regard. He finally was able to erase the guilt in his mind, of saying the things during the curse. And then they had gone fishing too – Killian teaching him how to catch one. The lad was ecstatic and had made him click a photo of same through his phone. (Although the fish had then skipped his hand, but nevertheless he was happy.)<p>

Killian was too.

Moments like these were rare and a reprieve from his other endeavor.

And he cherished it.

* * *

><p>Emma was positively seething, when she heard it. She was on the docks waiting for them to return.<p>

_How dare he? How could he?_

_He absolutely had no right to do so._

He got himself a place… a place that was located on the opposite end of where she got herself a new apartment. She knew it wasn't what he wanted causeshe had seen it and outright rejected it.

_Reason? It was nowhere near to the docks and nearly not to his liking._

She had bought herself a place, partly cause Henry and she needed their own personal space, and partly cause when inevitably Killian moved in with her, she didn't want her parents to walk on them.

She knew he couldn't forever live at Granny's, so it made sense that he got himself a place to live, but he didn't need to.

And the fact that he didn't even tell her once and she had to hear to from Leroy of all people. She saw red.

The pirate had some heavy duty explaining to do.

He owed it to her. And she would get it.

As soon as the incessant chatter of Henry made its way to her, she schooled her expression as he reached her and told her about everything that they did while on the trip. A soft smile covered her face, seeing him like this. She looked towards Killian who seemed to bore the same expression as her, and for a moment she thought that they could easily transition to a family, they all yearned, albeit a little odd, but a family nonetheless.

But then she remembered his decision and then instantly prepared herself for the talk.

"Kid, why don't you head to Granny's and tell your grandma all about your day. I need to talk to Killian about something."

Henry scrambled away, sensing the somber tone of Emma. Taking a deep breath she turned towards the person she wanted to incarcerate.

"When were you planning to tell me?"

"Tell you what, Swan?"

He schooled his features into one of those innocent ones but Emma was taking none of it.

"Cut the crap, Killian. You know what I am talking about. When were you planning to tell me that you got yourself a new place? And that too miles away from docks. You don't even like that freaking area."

"Gods, Swan… it was an impulsive decision. And I just needed a change of scenery. No need to go all prickly over it." Saying so, he started walking away but Emma held him from walking away.

"I am being prickly about it? Are you fucking kidding me. Good Lord, Killian… you go and get a property… you are always a little distant… and you just always 'Swan' me. And I am being prickly about it? What is going on?" She all but whispered the last few words, as desperateness started layering her syllables. His heart broke, seeing her distraught, but he hardened himself not letting it show and spoke with a smile.

"Everything is the same, lass. Just the way it has been. And see, no 'Swan' this time."

He winked and then pulled her into a kiss, to put some weight into his hollow words. She melted in her embrace and returned the gesture, before breaking apart.

"See you soon, lass."

He left her behind, not waiting for her response.

Two steps forward.

_Ten steps backward for the heart_.

* * *

><p>She watched his retreating figure and she felt her lips. The kiss was the same, where sparks were concerned.<p>

But it wasn't the same where the heart was concerned.

_It was just a kiss… Nothing else_.

* * *

><p>He moved without even telling her.<p>

He was avoiding her. She was pretty damn sure about it. Fuck everything else.

It was almost a daily thing – he would come when she was leaving be it Granny's or Station and she couldn't stop even for a minute. It was as if it was perfectly planned.

Every. _Single_. Time.

So she finally decided to corner him and to ensure that he couldn't avoid her, she made sure that she cornered him at the moment she knew she would be able to get her answers.

"Killian, why are you avoiding me? And don't tell me, you haven't cause we both know well that would be a fucking lie."

"Swan…" He began, trying to calm her down. Though, in hindsight he should have known that this was the way she was going to react. What else was he expecting?

(_That she wouldn't care, and he would be able to slip away unnoticed_ – his mind supplied.

He was quite unsure whether to be happy or sad about it.

He had tried so hard, so that she would notice him. And one time, when he wanted her to _not_ notice him, was the one time he came to know that she always notices… _always cares_.)

"And you always limit your affections. It's always either 'Swan' or 'Lass' for you. You have stopped calling me anything else. Not even my own name. And it hurts Killian… hurts so damn much. It's like we don't know each other and we have always known each other. So please Killian… tell me… what's wrong." She couldn't help the desperation and brokenness lacing her voice in the end. She hated feeling vulnerable. But this time she was done caring.

Let him see what he was doing to her and how much it was hurting her.

"You told me to trust you Killian. See… this is me trusting you. I have been trusting you for the past month, right after I put your heart back. But now I feel like I barely know you… let alone trust you. So tell me Killian, is this it? Is this where we part ways?"

(He wanted to scream out to her, that they were meant to be forever.

He wanted to tell her that he was honored beyond words that she was trusting him when he was continuously giving reasons for the opposite.

He wanted to hug her telling her he would never ever break her trust. It was his treasure. And he would treat it the same, even more precious than his heart.

He wanted to kiss her erasing everything out, and just spend the rest of their lives apologizing his way out of the stupid mess he created himself.

But then he remembered why he had done it in the first place.

And everything else washed away.)

"Aye." Those were the pathetic excuse of the words he settled for, and he could see her breaking. He tried to shield himself from the hurt of hurting her. He schooled his features maintaining an impassive expression trying to look everywhere but her face.

"Say it once more." His face jumped abruptly on hearing the words and tried to decipher what was going on in her mind, but she maintained her perfect poker face.

"Say it again Killian." She repeated her words sensing his surprise. "Say you wanna leave me. Say you wanna leave me because you had your share with me. Say this is the place where we part ways. Say it Killian."

"Aye… this is the place we where we part ways, Swan."

"Thank you." Saying so she ran away, not letting her tears fall, at least not in front of him. She didn't care about other resident witnessing her breakdown, but she wasn't going to let him see.

(He knew he had done irreparable damage to her already fragile heart.

_It was just to keep her safe. You are a liability for her. You would always remain one._

He recited the mantra in his head.

But he couldn't help but think, that in the mask of keeping her safe, he had done far more damage to her.

He refused to dwell on it. He had done the right thing.

But so he said.

_He knew his answer_.)

* * *

><p>Everything remained the same. It was as if they were never a couple. She laughed, she smile… it was mechanical but she did. She had years of experience to maintain her game. And she wasn't allowing anybody to break it.<p>

David and Mary Margaret tried to talking her, but she deflected and soon enough everything fell into place.

(Except for her heart. That had taken a permanent residence somewhere else.

But she wasn't going to let anybody know that.)

* * *

><p>He still took Henry for his extra-curricular activities. It was the lad who approached him and they had fallen into routine.<p>

Things with David were a little bit complicated, but the prince didn't prod him much about anything. He figured, Emma had a hand in it, but he tried not to think about it.

He was going to salvage anything and everything he could.

Things were the same. But there was a constant pull in his heart.

_It's your own doing. Deal with it._

He wished his heart could understand that.

* * *

><p>He hated his house.<p>

But he stayed there as long as he could, coming out when David was on duty.

They were very less, so he stayed all the more.

He avoided rum, cause getting sloshed only made him want to run to her and beg for forgiveness and it was difficult to rein his ownself at that time.

So he took it all.

* * *

><p>Her house seemed too big.<p>

She tried avoiding coming back as much as she could, taking up all the extra shifts she could gather.

She helped in all the jobs she could manage, falling into repetitive motion so she could avoid her mind to wander.

She focused all her emotions in practicing magic.

It was painful but exhilarating.

* * *

><p>They were fighting Ursula and Cruella. At least Maleficent wasn't anywhere near. She should count it as a blessing in disguise but the twisted sisters were none the less. She now was thanking her increased magic practice.<p>

But _of-fucking-course _**he** had to take a blow meant for her.

Really what was the deal with the men in her lives? First performing a nice tap dance on her heart and then coming back behaving as if there wasn't anything.

She saw her mother taking care of him. Steeling herself she continued fighting, throwing energy balls over the sisters.

_She didn't care._

* * *

><p>He knew he shouldn't have done that, but it was a reflex. He wasn't thinking and he didn't even felt an inch of anything. All he knew the attack would leave her shredded and he acted.<p>

(Obviously he didn't know the enhanced magical capability of his Swan.

He now knew she could have easily dodged the bullet so to say.

He didn't know.

But he didn't care.

He knew what he did was right. And he wasn't going to take it back. No matter how much the circumstance were different.

He would have done the same… _he would do the same_. If the situation presented itself again.)

* * *

><p>He walked back to his house limping. The injuries were just physical, no blood or no internal wounds. He had to rest to nurse himself back to health. So he opted to do the same at his own place rather than the trapped in the four walls of the hospital.<p>

There was soreness in his joints, but nothing he couldn't handle. So he walked.

The streets were deserted. He figured everybody was at the dining establishment, celebrating the retreat of the witches. Emma had shown extraordinary magic there, no doubt the witches needed to reinforce. He was so proud of her; a giddy smile covered his face, as he slowly made his way. Seeing her like this, provided the much needed reprieve that what he did was right. She didn't need him.

(He couldn't say the same about himself. But it didn't matter.)

* * *

><p>He didn't know what had happened. All he knew, he was walking down the street, when Emma had magically appeared and taken him along. And now he was sitting like a six year old, waiting to be scolded.<p>

"I should get…" He stopped when he saw her shooting daggers with her eyes. It was a miracle he was sitting there completely unscathed by her at the least.

"No… you sit there. You sit there and you damn well listen to what I got to say. You had no right… no right to jump there and take an attack meant for me. I don't need you to take care of me. I don't need to you to risk your life for me. You don't get to come back and risk your life, after putting me through days of hell, as if nothing had happened. I don't need…"

"I understood it in the first sentence only. No need to repeat it. Message received. So if you would excuse me, I need to go." He started getting up, only to be jerked back into sitting by her magic.

"Bloody hell… Have some care…" He massaged his shoulder, as a jolt of pain rushed through him.

"Serves you right. Next time you will think twice before pulling that stunt."

"Aye…"

"No… say it Killian. Say it, you won't pull any of the shenanigans like that."

"Well love…" Lacing the word with all the derision he could muster up, he continued, "It's not your particular choice, now is it Swan? I will do what bloody pleases me." He nearly spat those words, as he held her stony gaze, not backing down. It was his life, and he would decide what he wanted to do. It was painful enough to be hurting her emotionally, he would at least make sure no physical damage was inflicted upon her, not if he could help it.

"If you think… it's a way to get back…"

"Trust me, Swan when I say so, I have no intention to. But what I do with my life is of my own concern. If I feel your life is at stake, and even if you can handle it, I will do the same… a thousand times over. I don't care whether you want it or not. That's not for you to decide. It's my own personal call, and no need to berate your conscience for me. So now with your permission… I will be on my way."

He was almost through the door, when he heard her whisper.

"Why do you want to?"

_Because I need to_.

* * *

><p>Nursing a shot of rum, he applauded himself for not giving up his farce. It was stirring, but it was worth it. He knew she was stubborn and she wouldn't give up so easily. But he also knew that she had a certain pride, which kept her walls intact. And for the first time he was thankful for that part. He cursed out, when he heard the knock on the door, making no attempt to move hoping the person will take the hint and just leave him alone. But the knocks only grew insistent.<p>

Opening the door, with a litany of curses ready to be thrown at the offender, he was met with a sight of soaking Emma Swan. Drawn in his own stupor he never realized it was pouring outside. They stood there lost, when Emma broke the spell.

"Can... Can I come in?" her voice coming in whispers due to the cold outside.

Quickly, he ushered her inside and then got her a towel to dry.

"Lass, not that I have anything better to do, but I am really not in the mood for company. So can we get on with the show?"

She stared at his face, scrutinizing him as she bit her lips in cold and nervousness. Killian felt uncomfortable under her gaze and tried to get away but she held his hand.

"Killian… why do you need to?"

"Huh?"

"Back at my place, you said you need to… Why do you need to Killian? If you are acting out of some burden over your conscience, then just don't. I don't need you to look for me. I can do that just fine. You don't have any responsibility towards me. I have fared off just fine in my life and I can continue to do so. So please don't. It already hurts too much. And if something were to happen to you… one thing I can assure you… I cannot live with that over my conscience."

He kept looking at her face, as she continued speaking. Turning towards him she spoke in a low voice, and if he wasn't listening so intently, he was sure he would have missed it.

"Don't do it Killian. Don't go away throwing your life. I be… request you… just this last favor."

He sat there unmoving, unsure how to respond to her request while she waited for his reply. In that moment he realized that in ensuring her safety, he was pushing her into a deeper trench. For once he could try to live if something were to happen to her. But to ensure that nothing happened to her, he inadvertently was breaking her every single day… to an extent that she could not be repaired. And it was worse than something happening to her. He let out an exhausted chuckle.

"It's funny you know, how we think that what we are doing is best for people we care about. But then it blows up in your face when everything goes down. And it's a blood awful situation."

"I know." She smiled tentatively.

"Let me rephrase what I said back today. I didn't do it out of any obligation or anything like that. I did it because I wanted to. I needed to do that because I wanted to do it. I pushed you away not because I wanted to but it was needed… or I thought it was needed. From the time we met, love, every single person tried to break you through me. Pan tried to emotionally incapacitate you using my honor. Zelena tried to get rid of your magic through me. The Dark One tried to use my feelings for you to get with his misgivings. I don't think it is a distant future when the trio witches tries to attack you through me. I always was a liability for you. Understand Swan, I wanted to be your strength and repeatedly I became your weakness. I was the poison by your side. So I thought that if I distanced myself from you, you will have a better chance to survive. cause with me by your side, one day somebody would have gotten to you and harmed you. So…"

"So you thought by removing yourself from my side, you were strengthening me. Really for a man of your age, you can be a real piece of work at times."

"Aye…"

"You are lucky, I am tired and freezing or else I would have given you hell." He let out a laugh and Emma joined before continuing. "What were you thinking Killian? You were never a liability to me. You can never be. You are one of the reasons that make me want to strive harder, so that I can finish them off and then return home to my parents… to Henry… to you. You really don't understand my feelings for you, if you think that you are my weakness. You are one of those people, who are my rock. So never ever underestimate your worth."

Saying so she shifted closer to him and he gathered her in his arms watching the fire burn. He was brought back by the chattering of her teeth and then proceeded to make some comfortable arrangements.

"Lets get you changed and warmed up. Okay?" She hummed in response, as she started getting up to get her out of wet clothes. As they settled in a comfortable rhythm she spoke.

"Can we talk? About something else? After a day like today, I really just want to unwind."

"Well there are more pleasurable ways of unwinding, love, if you allow me to demonstrate." Emma rolled her eyes as he reverted to his previous ways. Smiling he settled near her. Kissing her forehead he nearly scooped her into his lap as he started telling about all his adventures of past month.

"Love…"

"Hmmm…."

"After everything is settled, can you help me to find a new place? I bloody hate this place."

He wrinkled his nose in disgust and she let out a loud laugh hitting him on his chest.

"I knew it."

(True to her words the next day, she lashed out hell over him, but he couldn't keep the goofy smile off his face.

He loved her aggressive side. He loved all her sides though.

Soon enough he was moved out of the place and then in few days he was moving in with her.

They came on an arrangement of the heroic things they would carry out. Neither of them was particularly happy with the compromise, but they made it work.

David finally gave him his threatening speech that he had been withholding for the last month. He willingly provided more points to be added into it.

They _finally_ found their strength in each other.

And neither of them was ready to give up.)

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hope you guys liked it. Do leave your valuable feedback.<strong>_


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